Letting my heart speak.

Just let me ramble and hold on for the ride.

For starters:I have 5 days of classes left. 5 whole days of my High School “career” and then I’m done. That is so incredibly exciting…. I could rant and rave about my excitement for hours, but i’ll spare  you. The pool, beach, lake WHATEVER is already calling my name. “Ann!!! Come relax and layout and read a book!…..” It sounds something like that hahh. However, I am currently wearing my Columbia fleece, jeans and sperries because it is a COLD outside. Mother Nature and I are about to get into a rumble if she doesn’t get her act straight.

Anyways.  Marathon Training– Starts as soon as I get done with my classes. I haven’t been updating a lot… well, to be honest, because there isn’t a lot to update on. My workouts aren’t frequent enough to really move drastically in any direction… they are just kind of keeping me where I am. I’m getting frustrated with “Pre-Training”. I am so ready to actually start a steady workout routine and end the constrictive schedule of being in school for 8 hours a day. As soon as I start my real training, I promise more frequent updates. Thanks to anyone who is actually reading this! It means a lot.

Life–  Ohhhhhhh Life. Some days are good and some days are… well, lets just stick with the word crappy. There are so many different things going on in my life right now, not all of them are bloggable (is that even a word??) .  When you really get to know me and I become comfortable around you, you begin to see the “real” Ann. The Ann with the plethora of emotions.  Whatever I feel, I normally wear on my sleeve. I cry when I’m upset, or I express myself when I’m mad, you get the picture. It’s not a bad thing to have emotions, but it is a learning experience on when it’s appropriate to “wear them on my sleeves”.  Of course sometimes I can’t help it. For example, a few days ago, I burst out in tears during my 1st period. To the outside world, it looked like I was a bipolar nutcase. However, my heart was hurting. It was the day of prom and even though I decided not to go, the excitement and buzzing of prom plans were invading my personal bubble. It wasn’t prom that was upsetting me, it was the fact that it  finally hit me that my dad wasn’t going to experience any more special events with me. My dad was a photographer, just as I am, and you could ALWAYS count on him to be everywhere with his camera in hand which made prom last year a photo shoot. I knew if I had gone to prom this year that I was still being cheated of a special daddy-daughter event that every young woman is entitled to. (Note: I chose not to go this year not because of my dad, but because I’m not fond of dances) It’s the same hurt I will secretly have the day of my graduation. It might not be worn on my sleeve, but in my heart it will hold the place where that special daddy-daughter event would have been stored.

As all this rambling is being read through, I want to jump into the world of a women. Lately I have had opportunities to dive deep into my mind and heart and see what is really there.  Wow, scary place to be, even for me. I am currently reading the book “Captivating“. I have been reading that book literally for years now. I have never been able to actually get through it… mostly because I couldn’t really relate to it as an inexperienced 13 year old. I’m not saying i’m much different now, but I have had my share of hurts, life experiences, and trials and tribulations to let me more relate to the book. This time around, it has been exactly what I need. Hello God’s amazing and perfect timing! Every
woman wants to be yearned for. To be the prize possession. To be shown off to the world as the sparkling diamond. I know in my life in this past year I have learned more about myself than I ever had known before. I have learned about how my past hurts and the broken pieces of my heart have effected the way I react in relationships (family, friends, dating relationships). It effects  how I fight, and my insecurities and the ways I get hurt now. Learning more about this though has helped me offer it to God for healing so it no longer is a hindrance in current relationships where I have to offer a vulnerable heart. You can’t live life with a broken and guarded heart. As women we are meant to give, and part of that giving is offering our hearts. I will give my heart to whomever I marry, I will give my heart to my kids, I give my heart to God. I give my heart over and over and over again and it’s bound to have scratches and cracks but God is the one who can fix it and protect it and make it like it was never broken in the first place. Wow. We have such an amazing God. The last thing I have really learned is how much someone listening to me actually means to me. I talk, it’s how I express myself. So thank you for taking to time to listen and letting my heart release and breathe. This life is a journey, and I am seriously learning something EVERY day. Whether its about myself, or God, or the world around me… I am definitely in the season of learning.  I am excited to see what the summer holds and the changes that will happen as I enter the next season of my life. I am even more excited to grow closer to the One who created the universe. I’m letting this journey take me one step closer everyday.

 

Thanks again for listening.

Love,

Ann

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